N is for ‘nothing – nothing’s better.’

 

It is not unusual for participants on training programmes to ask ‘so how do you respond when the client, at the beginning of a follow-up session, says ‘nothing – nothing is better’ in response to our question ‘so what has been better since we last spoke?’. And of course it is a sensible question for people to ask - and yet the question is asked on courses more often than the ‘feared’ response actually happens in my practice. In explaining the relative infrequency of this response it is important to consider the context. I do not take people by surprise which I ask ‘so what has been better since we last spoke?’. At the end of the previous session I will have warned people ‘OK now that you have said that you want to come back could I just warn you – when we meet next time the very first question that I will ask you is ‘so what has been better since we last spoke?’ and so if you start watching out for ‘better’ now it will make your next session easier for you’. I often add ‘but it is up to you what you do – not for me to boss you about!’. In these circumstances when the client returns and I open with ‘well I did warn you – so what’s been better?’ most people will talk about what they have noticed that is better. But what if they don’t? The questions that we ask will clearly affect the likelihood of people answering in particular ways but they do not determine the answer.

As it happens even those people who include a ‘nothing’ in their answer will often add ‘much really’.  ‘Nothing much really’ they say. This is clearly not ‘nothing’! What people are indicating is that the changes may have been small, the changes may not have been sustained, the changes may have been sporadic. In other words the changes have not yet been regarded as significant. So we can ask ‘ nothing much really – so what has been even a tiny bit better?’ and most people will answer, giving us evidences of small ‘betters’. However what if someone really does say ‘nothing’ and sticks at that?

1. Don’t argue – accept the answer. Perhaps the riskiest thing to do is to try to persuade people that they are wrong. If the answer is ‘nothing’ then that is the right answer, because it is the client’s answer, and that is the answer with which we will work. However that does not mean that this will still be the client’s view even 10 minutes later; but if we argue it seems more likely that people will dig in, feeling attacked or criticised or unaccepted.
    
2. ‘OK - so nothing’s better – so might I ask this – so what have you been pleased to notice since we last spoke?’. When we ask ‘pleased to notice’ we are accepting the original answer and indicating that acceptance in the changing of the question that we are asking. We are not merely repeating ‘so what’s been better?’. The ‘pleased to notice’ formulation of the question is a softening, it is a ‘lower setting of the bar’ in terms of significance. And while we elicit everything that the client has been pleased to notice we can be curious ‘so is that a little different or is that something that you have long been doing?’ or ‘when did you first notice that you could do that?’. It is not at all unusual for the conversation quietly to slip into a listing of differences that are in the direction of the client’s best hopes. Of course we must resist the urge to prove ourselves right ‘ so things are better’. Asking our clients to lose face, to accept that they were wrong, never works!
    
3. First few days. ‘OK – it seem a strange question - could I just ask you this – how were things for the first few days after we met?’ . It is not unusual for people to remember that things  were ‘better’ for the first few days but that the change had not been sustained. This enables us to enquire about the difference during the  first few days. What was different? What difference did it make? Who had noticed? How had others responded differently? Would the client like  to see more days like those first few days? How would the client know that he/she/they were building on those differences?
    
4. Scale each day. ‘Would you mind me asking you this? If we thought about each day since we last spoke on a scale with 10 standing for everything you wanted from our talking and 0 standing for the furthest from that you have ever been where was . . .?’ Asking the client to scale each day allows for the emergence of distinctions. Some days will, virtually inevitably, have been better than others. What was different about those days? And so on.

Of course the client may say more than merely ‘nothing’ - they may add ‘it’s been really tough these last weeks’. Any worker will want to respond to this last comment. ‘OK – given that it’s been tough what have you been pleased to notice?’ or ‘given that it’s been tough how have you managed to keep hope alive?’ ( a reasonable assumption if the client has come back) or ‘given that it’s been tough how have you kept yourself going?’. And as we listen we are constantly listening for evidence of difference about which  the client can be asked ‘so do you think that you would have managed . . . even six months ago?’. Of course if the client continues to focus on ‘it’s been really tough’, then that will indicate that the questions asked have been too distant from the client’s position and have not sufficiently taken account of their answer. In such circumstances a more radical response will be required ‘ I’m sorry I didn’t realise quite how tough it has been – given that it has (been tough) can I ask about your best hopes from today?’.

However the client responds to any question that we might ask, our next question must always seek to sufficiently take account of their response in order to fit, a process that sometimes will proceed by trial and error!

Evan George
London
02 February 2025